A Journey through Kitchen Disasters Past

Being honest is important to me, so I’m going to be honest with you (and myself) right now. I’m a terrible cook about 50% of the time. The good news is that the percentage used to be about 75, but through brazen determination and a triumph of will, I’ve knocked it down to 50.

One big problem? I’m a recipe person who has trouble actually sticking to recipes. 

I don’t know why I started to view recipes as general guidelines that could be easily veered from. Actually yes I do. My mom veers from recipes all the time. However, there’s a slight difference between us that I tend to overlook when I’m elbows deep in my battle with ingredients: she knows what she’s doing and I have absolutely no idea.

Lies I’ve told myself in the kitchen:
1. The exact amount of water doesn’t matter that much. I can eyeball it.
2. The exact amount of seasoning doesn’t matter that much. I can eyeball it.
3. Garlic powder will probably work just as well as minced garlic.
4. I don’t need to set the timer. I can eyeball it.
 bullshit joe biden lies liar lying GIF

Thank you, Joe. I needed that.

There are some chefs who can eyeball it. There are some chefs who don’t need to stick to the recipe. I’ve even heard of a magic breed of chef that doesn’t need a recipe at all. That’s not me nor do I expect it to ever be me. All I’m trying to be is a chef that can make edible meals so I don’t blow all of my money on restaurants.

Like any semi-professional wannabe foodie, I take picture of everything I cook and/or eat. I’m not sure what the protocol is for posting photos of unappetizing failed meals. I’m guessing a good rule of thumb is not to do it. Oops.


The bottom left was mostly a failure of presentation. I don’t claim responsibility for how gross pesto sauce can look in the wrong hands. The other two were failures in every sense of the word. To my credit, (I think) I was still able to eat the meals even though they turned out completely wrong. Oh, and I know it looks like tar, but I promise that’s a balsamic glaze on the chicken.

If you’re questioning the purpose of this post, I think it’s an introduction. Or an explanation. Or maybe an apology. Essentially, I want to warn you about what might be revealed in my cooking posts. If I’m lucky, my future recipes will be so successful that Food Network assigns me a cooking catch phrase. That’s how it works, right?

For now, my goal is to feel confident enough in the kitchen that I don’t need to plan a back-up meal every time I cook.

Until the next culinary adventure!


One thought on “A Journey through Kitchen Disasters Past

  1. Pingback: Recipe: Spicy Garlic Lime Chicken | Half Savage and Hardy, And Free

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